Letter from one of Jonathan's Investigators

Mr. and Mrs. Guerrero,

I just wanted to thank you for everything you both have done for me.  I am sorry I took so long to respond, but it was because I wanted to share an experience or enlightenment with you.  I want to express my background in why I wanted to be blessed. 

If Gabe has not told you, I have had a rough two years.  After I graduated college, I found out I had an extra nerve in my heart.  I always had palpitations but they were misdiagnosed as anxiety for 10 years.  I was excited to finally see the real problem and solve it.  Immediately doctors and I decided that surgery would be best to fix this.  A week after I found out that I needed heart surgery, I found out that someone had stolen my identity.  Nothing like fixing your credit haha.  I had my surgery 2 months later.  And that’s where things got tough.  My surgery took 3 times as long as it was supposed to, they gave me a lot of adrenaline to get my heart going fast to perform the surgery, and I was awake the whole time.  After the surgery I felt so sick, I wasn’t fed all day, no water or food, and as soon as I got out I had gone into panic.  I finally calmed down hours later, but the next day got even crazier, I almost passed out while I was leaving the hospital! Luckily they caught me and saved me.  It was due to dehydration and stress.  It took some time but I got out later that day. It took me weeks longer than the average person to recover.  And not only did my heart change, but my mentality did too. 

My body had changed, and I felt like I was relearning myself.  Things I was able to do before I couldn’t.  And I possibly pushed myself too far too soon, thinking I could physically do the same things.  But after time I realized that my mind was holding me back too.  After some instances where I found myself struggling, feeling weak, like going to a baseball game or road trips to LA at the beginning of my recovery, I took that with me every time I went back to a game or LA.  Going to Giants FanFest a month after my surgery was probably a very bad idea.  And I felt the consequences on my body.  But that scared me to doing more after.  Every time I went to a baseball game, I thought, will I feel like I will pass out again, will the heat get to me? And that fear, still stays with me, and it has been a year.  I feel like I have been re-discovering my body, but my mentality is holding me back from moving forward.

 I tried talking to therapists about it, sought holistic help, but it has been a rough journey.  After I was getting in a better place, mentally, things were getting great, I dislocated my shoulder.  Of course, once I was getting on my feet and getting into a sport, softball, I dislocate my shoulder and it turned into a huge mess.  It popped out shoulder blades, messed with my rotator cuff, messed up my neck. Doctors that I was seeing either were not helping or were causing other things to happen and I didn’t trust anyone.  Then things became more insane recently, I went to the ER. I found myself having heart palpitations.  It was not like before, but I could not stop them.  Worried, I went to the ER. I was thinking to myself, I went through so much and now, my heart palpitates again, I thought they said it was a success? I was nervous and worried, reliving all of my moments at the hospital.  It turned out I was not having heart problems like I did before my surgery (surgery worked!), I was actually having minor problems deriving from having bronchitis and asthma.  Was not sure if it was good news or not, but I accepted it.  That was then followed by discovering I showed minor problems with my thyroid. And that is when Gabe I think realized I needed some light in my life. Haha.  The past two years have felt like a nightmare, I haven’t felt like myself, I am not comfortable anymore.  I hope for the best every day, but I think the worrying gets to me.  But I can’t blame myself, things happen. 

To be honest, my religious background is very dismal.  My father is Christian, but not practicing.  He used to go to church alone as a teenager, it helped him through some tough times with family.  My mother, well that side does not believe in much.  Myself, well I do believe in God, a higher power.  I have some family members, who are Mormon, and I see their desire to help, they are just the nicest people I know.  And I’m not saying that because they are family, haha.  Something about Mormonism (if that’s how you would say it) is so pure.  Everyone is there for each other and it is really a community who have common beliefs and my family has always admired that.  When Gabe kept asking me about the blessing, at first, I was hesitant.  I kept thinking, it’s not that serious, I don’t need help, it’s ok, it’s more of a hassle than it is worth.  But the more and more things kept happening, I thought, maybe this is the right thing for me to do.  My mom was nervous and skeptical, but at this point she just wanted to see me happy.  I was feeling the same way, but something kept telling me that this was the right thing to do.

When you all came over, I thought, wow, this is definitely different.  I have walked into a church 3 times in my life, two baptisms and once for Gabe’s mission speech.  Although, this was in my house, I have never understood the spirit or felt anything for that matter.  I was really glad you performed the blessing, because it helped me feel more relaxed and actually listen to the blessing.  When it began, I was trying to call out to God myself and my Grandpa who passed away almost 10 years ago.  In my toughest times I usually call on him to be there for me, to help calm me down. Crazy thing was, I felt like someone was kneeling next to me, like a hand on my knee, calming me down.  No one was there, the air was not windy, and it felt like a hand on my knee, I think and hope it was my Grandpa there in support.  As the blessing kept going, hands above my head, I was listening to every word, but more importantly I felt every word.  The sentences were strong, feelings backed up every syllable.  You were not just spitting out words, I could feel the meaning behind everything.  I felt like, something had overtaken you, and you were just the messenger. And I know Gabe told me it is like that, but to actually feel that was amazing.  The most important part for me was two sentences I remember the most.  One was that every challenge I am currently facing is to build me up stronger for something more important.  I read something once that said; God gives tough challenges to those he knows can handle them.  And I know that everything I am going through serves a purpose, and I hope one day to find that purpose and use it to my fullest potential.  The other sentence that struck with me was, to give my parents the power to understand and support me through these tough times.   My mom takes everything pretty hard.  After I was like 13 and fell and jammed my shoulder, she didn’t believe I actually had anything wrong, until we went to the doctors and she saw my x-ray, then she promised to never take anything I said lightly when it came to medical problems.  She has been with me through every up and down, she tries hard to calm me down, I’m her only child and through her recent divorce I know things are tough for her.  I wish I could help her more, but sometimes I struggle to be there for myself. So I am glad that the blessing was also for my parents too. 

After the blessing, I was just taking everything in.  I didn’t feel too emotional, because I was taking everything in.  I was remembering the words said, and thinking where it would affect me next.  I guess I also didn’t know how to react.  This is very new to me, the whole religion thing.  I was very spiritual with God and my Grandpa before, but I realized I would only call on them for my dark times.  And I think that is where I was speaking to God wrong.  I wasn’t listening to him, I was always asking him.  Maybe that is my only child syndrome, getting anything I asked for haha.  But the blessing really helped me understand my problems now and enlighten me for the future.  I had this sense of calm for a couple of weeks after the blessing.  I felt at ease, even though I still had pain, I felt calm.  And that really helped me out more than anything.

I decided to change some things in my life.  I keep a journal to document everyday highs and lows.  I thank God for my blessings and ask to watch over my family and friends.  I still get in to pickles with myself mentally, but physically, things are getting better and I understand my body better. The doctors are actually helping now, I am getting the right tools, and my lab tests (knock on wood) are seeing good results.  I still need to work on things but I realized that there will come a time and I will have some mental break through, because I have before, where nothing will get in the way of me bettering myself.  I guess my biggest hurdle is myself.  And I can only ask God to help teach me patience and strength.  Going back to the journal, it is funny because some of the things I notice I have already asked God to help me with or show me something, have already worked and he has helped. 

I am so happy that you helped me out in a time in my life I felt the weakest and loneliest.  You truly are a blessing to my life and I am happy to help you out anytime.  I don’t know if I would be joining a religion soon, but I will continue to believe and support.  Thank you for everything, I am sorry I took so long to write, but I wanted to give you both a journey of what I felt and went through after the blessing.

Thank you again,

Whitney